the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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