Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
