So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
