that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize