I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
