he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
