I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
