i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
