Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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