I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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