I wish my penis had an off switch
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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