i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
