mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
