If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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