It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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