i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
