i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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