i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
