if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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