You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
