I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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