community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
