I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She's the barista slut.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
