I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
