Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
did you just send me my own nude
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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