I think scott just propositioned me for sex
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
