The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
