anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
