Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize