I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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