Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
