Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
