Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
