I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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