Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize