Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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