You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
