He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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