If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
