Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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