Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
