i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
