Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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