i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
