When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
