i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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