I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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