I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Everything about him screamed your future.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
