Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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