I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize