if i can run in heels then i can drive
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
