Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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