You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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