He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
