At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
