i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
