Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i drank out of a bidet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
