i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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