porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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