i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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