Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
