Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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