dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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