I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
