i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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