you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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