If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
