so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
