I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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