If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
