I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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