well I can't set my house on fire every night
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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