pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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