Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
