No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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