Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
