kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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