Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
