roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
