My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
