the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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