his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
