he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
