I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
