two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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