When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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