And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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