hell yes lets make some ravioli
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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