a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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