neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
