My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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