Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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