How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
