Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
