Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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